How to climb out of a no sex rut

When you have been in a relationship for a long time, the shine can wear off and you find yourselves stuck doing the same routine at bedtime, over and over again until it becomes a matter of routine and you find your stale sex dwindling away to next to nothing. Perhaps the stresses of work or parenting are leaving you exhausted and unable to contemplate having to go through the rigmarole of making yourself ready for sex or maybe boredom and familiarity have just made you more like siblings or roommates than sexual partners, there are a few things you can do to put the spark back into your love life so give this a try:


Acknowledge it – Speak to your partner about what has happened, be direct and tell them what you would like to happen. Try and discover what made it this way, are you doing enough to help her with the kids? Are there money worries that haven’t been addressed properly? Are you doing ok in your relationship in other areas? Once you have discussed everything and both of you agree that you want to get things back on track then you can move on.

Bedtime – Before you head upstairs to the bedroom are you watching tv, playing games or just staring at your phone until your eyes start to droop? One of the number one reasons for a sex standstill is the simple fact that by the time you are both in bed together, one or the other is just too tired to bother. Try going to bed earlier than you normally would instead of procrastinating downstairs so you are both awake enough to act.

Touch without expectations – Without intimacy, sex can lag behind, so create the intimacy you once had by touching each other at any moment. A quick stroke on the arm while passing by, a kiss on the cheek for no reason, a hand on the small of her back when you stand next to her. If you are not in the mood for sex but are in bed then snuggle up together or maybe give a small massage without trying to end up in sex. You want to feel closer together without the pressure so that it can come back naturally.

Experiment – Maybe you never used toys together before, if so, now is a great time to buy each other something sexy that you can explore together, it doesn’t have to be a full on rampant rabbit but even silly or playful toys can be great for getting you in the mood, like sex dice or a nice massage oil. A laugh and shared fun can lead to so much more unexpectedly.